Not Hanging Up My Author Shoes

 The summer of 1984. 

It was the summer of Ghostbusters and The Muppets Take Manhattan (I know I'm showing my young age here). Such R&B ballads as "If Ever You're In My Arms Again" by Peabo Bryson and "What's Love Got to do With It?" by Tina Tuner played in heavy rotation on the radio. Mary Lou Retton scored a perfect 10 at the Los Angeles Olympics. 

And HBO was a new TV channel.

I saw Eddie and The Cruisers on there almost every day. I loved (and still do) "On the Dark Side," "Wild Summer Nights," and "Tender Years" and I had a bit of a crush on Michael Pare.

About a year ago, I saw the movie for the first time in a very long time. And I still remember some of the quotes and lyrics from the songs--as if I hadn't left the couch in 1984. 

Now that I'm an author, there are some things in movies that had never "spoken" to me, that are now resonating. And there is an unlimited number of them in Eddie and The Cruisers.

One example is the scene where the band is at Satin Records. They're playing "A Season in Hell." The producers hate it and hold nothing back in letting the band know it. Reminder: it's 1964; no one is ready for heavy, hair-raising, goosebump-inducing music like this.

And maybe I wasn't ready for something I had heard and learned about many times over the past several years that authors must do to get their name out there. Many authors had done it. The ones I personally interact with had persuaded me, till they were purple in the face, about its importance. I'd wanted to do it but had never had an opportunity.

I finally did it--and my plans failed.

 

Over the past ten years, I've had many times I've wanted to quit writing. I was so disappointed in what I had hoped would exceed my expectations I wanted to declare this as, in the late Regis Philbin's words. my final answer. Never going back, no one will miss me.

However, soon afterward, I sat down to a warm homemade dinner that had smashed potatoes, my go-to comfort food. I vented to my husband and a trusting friend about this certain fiasco. 

In addition to the above-mentioned scene, another one from the sequel reeled through my mind. It was the one where Eddie is at that look-alike contest at the beginning of the movie. I kept telling myself it wasn't the right time for me. I can always do this again, and when I do it will be successful.

I went to bed--and woke up at my usual time the next morning (4am). Apparently, the one-liner "The sun is still going to come up tomorrow morning" had finally sunk in.

Photo credit Julia Pope

I wouldn't allow myself to think I was the only author who had experienced what I had. Soon into the early morning, I learned I was in good company.

At this moment I'm on a writing hiatus. Well, I'm supposed to be; I'm still trying to figure out what I should or shouldn't do. Maybe to keep from writing and keeping up appearances on Facebook and Instagram, I'll watch movies instead. That's one of the ways I relax and even get ideas for my novels in progress. I think two of the movies should be Eddie and The Cruisers and Eddie and The Cruisers II: Eddie Lives. I now have both movies on DVD. And I wish I had an unlimited amount of time to watch them.

Like Eddie, with nostrils flaring and through clenched teeth, I want to say, "I want something great. I want something no one's ever done before." I want a "Joann" to tell me, "Your books are great," lest I shout "Here's to nothing, fellas!" pumping my fists in the air, as if that's my fate.

As you can see, I have a hunger and a cold desire. And I know someday it's going to take me higher. I'm just another small flame running through the fire. Therefore I refuse to hang up my author shoes. I may get that feeling every time I get the blues, but it's just a matter of time before some better opportunity comes along.

Enjoy this video...