In 1992, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman lined the shelves of bookstores. The purpose of the book was to enhance married couples' communication and emotional intimacy. Since its release, Chapman has included this principle for all other kinds of relationships.
My love language for my marriage and all my other personal relationships is words of affirmation. I've kept every handwritten note someone has given me. I've stuck them in any one of my Bibles or notebooks and perched them on my desk. I've read them on bad days. Furthermore, I've taken screenshots of kind words I've received in texts and Messenger conversations.
When someone says a kind, sincere word to me, I have a productive day and a positive, hopeful outlook on life. If some unforeseen circumstance happens, I'm hopeful in seeing the end soon.
On the other hand, one discouraging word would take me the rest of the day, maybe even a whole month, to get over it.
The beginning of this week was challenging. I once again felt inadequate, invisible, unappreciated. I should've reminded myself to give it 72 hours. Some awesome, unexpected thing may likely happen.
And it did on Wednesday night.
I spoke with the pastor of my church during our weekly Equipped to Stand Bible study, based on Ephesians 6:10-18. What I learned about him: We have the same love language. We talked about how frequent, discouraging, back-stabbing words can make us feel like we've done something wrong, can hinder our progress. I often wonder what I could've done had I not let others' discouraging words or actions (or lack of them, like ghosting) take root in my mind and soul.
What I thought about yesterday morning: My love language as an author is acts of service (for now, anyway).
Since publishing Strong & Steadfast , I experienced new things. Within less than 12 hours after its release, I received a glowing 5-star review. Not just one review afterward, but two others, both of which were a 5. I also sold it to someone in person, which, for some reason, has always been rare for me. She later told me she couldn't put it down.
However, I have some disappointments.
In the weeks leading up to the release date, I announced it in the Facebook groups (where I could, of course) for endometriosis support and once again--and many times--told everyone who expressed even the smallest interest in this upcoming writing offering of mine.
Soon after it went live, I also made a flyer with the blurb, front cover photo, and a QR code for the Amazon link, printed out several copies of it, and had them laminated. For a few weeks, I placed them in waiting areas at ob/gyn clinics and hair salons
This will blow your mind: 0 response.
In some ways, I'm a quick learner; in others, I'm like an elderly turtle. This year, I finally realized how stressful book-signing events are.
The big picture of them: I pay a so-called low vendor fee, determine what books I'd like to sell that would interest the target audience, and order some more copies if necessary. I load my car up with them, some decorations, food, water bottles, and for outdoor events, a table and a canopy. After I check in with the event contact person, I set up everything on my one designated table. And during that whole event, I get more compliments than sales. You may say, "I thought that was your love language."
Suffice it to say my "compliment tank" is filled to overflowing, but my soul (not to mention other obvious unspoken things) is empty. Authors write books to impact peoples' lives with their words, not to get compliments.
I'll close with this quote:
Praises pay neither printer, editor, nor contributor. -James Henley Thornwell
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