Flashback to 2009

For most of this week, when I wasn't working even more on Writing Soulmates, I was watching the video interviews that were part of the Flourish Writers Conference. I immensely enjoyed watching every one of them and took copious notes. What I especially loved hearing was the testimonies of these authors, how many of them had never considered writing a book, that they hated writing, had been in day jobs that involved very little to no writing, or maybe even had some crisis, such as an illness, injury, or the death of a loved one.

Humble beginnings, hope, healing...and the persistence when the going gets tough. Add to that the crises, and I have all the more a great reason to be a writer!

There was something about hanging onto, absorbing every word I could that made me think about ten years ago, back in 2009 (Wow! Hard to believe that was a decade ago already.)

I was working as a physical therapy tech for a private practice outpatient physical therapy clinic. I had written this "silly story". Back then, it was on one of those now-obsolete 3 1/2" floppy disks. Since I had no idea what to do with this story, I only worked on it at random times, maybe about once a month, if that.

What I'm about to say, I don't talk about very often. I think now would be the time to let you know even more how humble my beginnings were. The laptop I have now I didn't have back then. For some circumstances beyond our control, we didn't have a computer. Therefore, we had to use the public computers the local libraries have. For those times I wanted to work on my "silly story", I had to drive all the way over to the library in blind faith that one was available. I had to work around their business hours (never mind the fact I may have wanted to work on this on a federal holiday or at 8:30am or 10:00pm), and do as much as I could in the two-hour time limit.

What a big difference a decade makes!

One laptop, six published books (and counting), many hours of hard work, dedication, blood, sweat, and tears, and many hundred ounces of sweet tea (or like drink), and many hundred M&Ms later...

I'm a writing machine. It's the only thing I think about the minute my feet hit the floor; I can't get to it fast enough...at 4am. 

It's no longer something I do when it's convenient. It's deeper and something I need to do every day (yes, including Christmas Day). And, best of all, there are no more limits on places and times to write.

{Insert dramatic pause}

I'm here at the Panera in Fountain City on a horrible rainy Saturday morning (it's rained all week). I am camped out here, with my headphones plugged into my laptop, once again listening to some hard rock to get my fingers moving and the ideas flowing from my head to the screen.

Where do I see myself in 2029? I don't know. However, if you told me in 2009, I'd be an author, I'd think you were out of your mind.

What did I learn at the Flourish Writers Conference? I will have that in my next post. Please stay tuned.

P.S. Another remarkable thing about my writing journey was, when I finally got a flash drive and transferred Suitors (formerly the "silly story") onto it, and gave it the final title of The Long Road Around the Corner of Hope, I wondered how I was going to keep up with that small thing. If I had a spotty history of losing floppy disks, how was I going to not lose this flash drive? No, the question should be: At what moment would I know I really am a writer? I don't consider it an accident I'm writing this post a year to the day we moved. All I will say is: I could lose a sweatshirt or all of our drinking glasses could have broken, and I wouldn't have cared. The only thing I cared about was my flash drive. I had bought a wallet that had a safe place for it. I put it in there as the packing and the moving got more intense. And seeing as how I still have it after eight years and one move, my writing is going to get even more intense.

Three (Other) Words

One thing I will never understand about myself is, I get so fired up when the new year starts. I have all of these goals and want them to be done at a certain time. For what it's worth, I consider the months of January and February as a time when I get busy with writing, while it seems to me the rest of the world seems to be "asleep."

It just so happens I'm working on my next contemporary romance novel Writing Soulmates. Well, if it's a romance novel, and Valentine's Day is just a few weeks out, I thought I should buckle down on the writing. Therefore, every chance I get, I'd write furiously, even if my words were disjointed and the story didn't flow well. 

One thing I'm doing better in my work on Writing Soulmates is, I've been just writing something, even when it doesn't make sense. Though I had done that when working on some of my most recent books, for this one, I did it even more so. However, there came a time when I just got frustrated, feeling like I was writing down the same idea over and over, only in a different chapter...at least three times!

In addition to this romance book, I'm working on Kill the Locust. For those who haven't seen this title yet, it is about a young woman who has endometriosis. Having had that illness myself for many years, I thought it best to write a book about it. March is Endometriosis Awareness Month. I thought it would be a good idea to work equally as feverishly on this as I have done for Writing Soulmates. In that way, I could publish Kill the Locust at some point in March.

{Cue the scratching noise of a needle on a record}

However, earlier this week, I got overwhelmed, burned out, frustrated beyond comprehension with myself for not being as productive as I wanted to be. Though I was productive last weekend in getting a few thousand words in for Writing Soulmates, I knew I was nowhere near the end, let alone finishing the first draft.

I asked myself the following questions:

• Do I really need to publish Writing Soulmates by Valentine's Day? 
• Is it going to adversely affect my writing career if I don't publish Kill the Locust by around the middle of March?
• Could there be some other good time of the year to do both? If so, when?

The answer to the first two is: no.

The answer to the third question: 

Need I say more? I will now relax and enjoy even more this gift God has given me to write, which I thank Him for every day. Having this experience has taken my trust in the LORD to a higher level. We authors can make many plans, we can be inundated with the pressures to do things a certain way at a certain time because another fellow author succeeded at it, but the LORD will direct our steps.

Therefore, if I publish Writing Soulmates in May, and Kill the Locust in September (just giving random months), it will be alright.

It will be at the right time, in God's time!

The Greatest Self-Made, Self-Published Deadline

One of my ongoing writing goals is to be better at setting daily, weekly, and monthly goals. I'm a lot better at it than I once was. Most Sunday evenings, I sit in front of my desk calendar and write them down in the block of each day. Some days, I do exceed the goals, others I fail miserably.

A few weeks ago, I made a post about how I was bound and determined to finish the first draft of Active Waiting. I started working on this book a little over three years ago. Since I hadn't forsaken it by this point, it was time for me to do something about it...to be more specific, finish it...by a certain date. I chose the date of Saturday, October 27th...and to work feverishly on it.

This past Friday, I was very close to the end. So close, that I didn't want any distractions. Therefore, since the only thing I needed to do that day was to go to the grocery store, I did that first. In that way, I could have it done and come home and stay home.

From noon on Friday to noon the next day, I sat right here at my computer, stopping only to eat, go to the bathroom, and sleep. I listened to Stryper radio continuously for inspiration and motivation.

I'm happy to report at 11:59am, I finished the first draft of Active Waiting.

I've had many moments I've felt like I was on Cloud 9. That's where I was the rest of the weekend. Furthermore, this was the best "visit" I had ever had on that little piece of heavenly puffiness. Even as I write this, I still feel like I'm there. 

My feelings are entirely justifiable. I've written another book, my sixth. Not only that, given the heavy emotional content of it, it was not easy. Over these past few years, when I worked on it, I would write only one paragraph and have to stop. There were even times I wept as I wrote.

But I did it.

At this writing, I'm still feeling that rush from my most recent major accomplishment.

Since I met this goal, I know I will meet the following in the weeks and months to come:

• Publish Active Waiting on November 17th
• Resume work on my next romance novel, Writing Soulmates, for the rest of this year
• Resume work on Kill the Locust, my next Christian novel
• Finish the first draft of Writing Soulmates by January 5th, 2019
• Publish Writing Soulmates by February 9th, 2019
• Finish first draft of Kill the Locust by February 2. 2019
• Publish Kill the Locust on March 1. 2019

In Writing, In All-Caps, and in Red Ink

It has been a great writing year for me! I have published two books this year, including my first contemporary romance novel. In addition to my persistence and determination to get my books published no matter what it takes, I have learned to set goals, to break big projects down into small projects. I have developed a habit of setting goals at the beginning of every week. It has worked so well. (I'm ready to buy a new desk calendar for the upcoming year.)

As goes goal setting, most of you know that they're not entirely effective unless they are in writing. And it's even more so if you tell others. In that way, you can have some amount of accountability.

In the fall of 2015, I started on Active Waiting. Since then, I've published books I started on after that, working on this book occasionally during this time. I have come to realize that if I don't get a certain book done, it's okay. Some books may take some time, they may take more thought that I can't give them initially. 

Well, now is the time to move closer to getting Active Waiting published.

Okay! I have it in writing, in all-caps, in red ink, at a place on my desk where I can see it, and have now made it public that I am going to finish the first draft of this book. No more waiting, no more procrastinating, no more stalling. Time for me to get to work.

OVERWHELMED!

I have so much going on right now!

I know that sounds so trite. Who doesn't have so much going on right now? There must be something about the high temperatures that makes me highly frustrated I have so much I want to work on, so much I want to write, so many ideas about marketing my books (all while I'm inside my comfortable air-conditioned house). I would start with something, then go on to something totally different. After a full day at my laptop, I feel like I've accomplished nothing. 

Oh, no! There's that four-lettered f-word again. Haven't I been taught time and time again, especially lately to not go by my feelings?

How about I recap this summer's events? Maybe that will give me some perspective.

-I found my favorite place to go to for my own writing retreats
-I have new and better business cards. What made the order awesome was keying in a promotional code I had gotten from a TV commercial. There's something great to be said about watching mindless TV on MeTV after a day of hard work.
-I met Breanna Thaman, bought one of her books, read, and got re-inspired
-I attended every ETCWA meeting. In so doing, I found a great idea for swag: necklaces with a musical note, a peace sign, and guitar pick charms (still working on that one). I may even try my hand at making jewelry. But I also learned marketing can be overwhelming and requires trial and error.

-I published Twofold Love Comeback.

-I figured out my target audience.
-I gave copies of Wise Turned Foolish and Professional Fans to Chuck Garric, Christopher Latham, and Calico Cooper of Beasto Blanco, as well as to Kip Winger.

Calico Cooper at Diamond Pub, Louisville, KY

Kip Winger at Square Room, Knoxville, TN

-I went to the Thunder Road Author Rally and met many other Christian fiction authors. One of them invited me to the meeting for the Knoxville chapter of the ACFW (Americal Christian Fiction Writers). I went to the meeting on Tuesday night and now can't wait for the next meeting on October 9th.

Early in the summer, I started making a screenplay for Crawling to the Light, learning about it as I read Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting. Then, I came to a screeching halt literally halfway through it. I realized I hated this book with a passion. Of course, some people have read it and tell me they can't put it down. I, on the other hand, thought I could make the main character Melissa Leahy a little more "real." I want to rewrite the book. That right there shows you writers are really rewriters. But I have yet to get started on this.

I want my next work in progress to be Active Waiting. I started working on this three years ago this month. Whatever is keeping me away from moving forward, I need to remove that from me. As I'm writing this, I know it's partly due to sinus and allergy problems, as well as to stress from some personal issues I'm having that will only bring about character development. It's hard for me to write when I'm feeling "snotty." 

And obviously, there is such a thing as too stressed to write. All I have to remember is rest, drink fluids, and take two nasal sprays, one in the morning, one at night...and to quit trying too hard. 

Would it be considered unrealistic to finish the first draft of this book at the end of next month?

What makes me more frustrated is, instead of working on either Active Waiting or Writing Soulmates, my current romance novel in progress, I worked on Crack Hill. Listening to Metallica's Black Album (anything that can help me work on a scene of domestic violence), I worked on it Labor Day morning. It was a productive morning. However, since that day, I haven't worked on it...or anything, for that matter.

As you can see, I'm overwhelmed. I think I should go over to the Guitar Center today to try to be re-inspired and to clear my mind. I've had enough of this confusion.

If I don't make it over there today (chances are, I won't), I'll have to realize now is the time to find a balance between creating and marketing. I believe this is where the rubber meets the road regarding that.

(And I don't consider it an accident that as I'm wrapping up this post, "Straight On" by Heart comes up in the queue on YouTube. Awesome stuff!)

Read Mor' Romance, Be Mor' Inspired

Lesson learned from this past week: If I'm reading a book and having a hard time getting into it, though it is by one of my favorite authors, it is okay to put it down. The book I'm talking about is 1776 by David McCullough. I've read a lot of his books and love every one of them. I was trying to get into the 4th of July spirit by reading the book in the weeks prior to the holiday. But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to get into it. That was my second time reading the book (the first time was around 2005). Since it didn't speak to me neither time, I decided to move on.

They say you should read a variety of books. They also say to read books that are in your genre. I have done a lot of the former, but I feel like the latter is in the cards at the moment. 

Over the past few days, I was trying to combat burn-out, exhaustion, and an indifference to writing. Believe it or not, I too have those moments. We all do, as writers. It's normal, it happens. There have been lots of mornings where I don't feel like writing. Then, I do it, and I feel better, as if I can accomplish anything.

At the beginning of this past weekend, I decided to put down 1776 for good and search for a good romance novel to read. Friday night was David's and my night out at the Fan Boy Expo . We cosplayed the 11th Doctor and his companion from Doctor Who, his favorite show. Having gone to this for four years, I know there will be authors there. I met Breanna Mounce , an author from the Cincinnati, Ohio, area who has visited Norris Lake on numerous occasions and has come to love it. So much so, she has written a romance book about it, Southern Rebirth . I bought that (I'll get Bad Company on vinyl later) after enjoying a great conversation with Breanna.

This was what I needed to not only rekindle a temporary rut in my passion for reading, but also for writing. I'm about two-thirds of the way done with Southern Rebirth. I cannot put this down. Breanna did an amazing job in bringing Lexi Fernbrook to life. You can almost taste her vulnerability, sensitivity, and passion. In reading it, I have obtained Duncan Hart as my "book boyfriend." That he is a bass player in a rock band is the big selling point for me. As I'm trying to combat mid-life crisis, I wish I could be Lexi, as the photographer for Southern Rebirth, the band that Duncan plays bass in.

While reading this on and off Saturday afternoon, I received via Messenger great feedback from a volunteer beta reader for my own upcoming romance novel, Twofold Love Comeback. I thought it was so awesome that while I was thinking of what great things to say about Southern Rebirth, someone else was doing the same thing for my book.

Here are a few things she said about it: very relatable and fun...I love it when [Mandy] meets both Adam and Chris and how easy it is for her to talk with them about music.... I can't put it down...My favorite parts are the date at the park when Mandy finds out what Chris drives and the couples game on Valentine's day.

I'm glad to know that in spite of my being a rookie romance writer, I have the Danielle Steel effect: You can't put it down.

Since I didn't have any plans for most of Saturday, I stayed home a lot. There must have been something in the humidity that caused love to be in the air for new romance authors and the avid followers of them.

I'm writing early this Monday morning before I go to my day job. Like any other day, I want to stay home and write... and read some more romance. There's something there.

"What If?": The Big Picture of a Small Conversation

What if I fail?
What if this relationship doesn't work?
What if I don't get this job?
What if something goes wrong?

For years, I'd been plagued with a constant imagining of the worst that would happen in a situation. While it is important to consider that, and prepare for it, I focused only on that and let it consume me. Needless to say, everything I had feared did happen.

Here I am, four (almost five) published books into what is becoming a slow but sure writing career. That I still do it is a lot to say.  I cannot tell you how many times I've been rejected or taken for granted, overlooked. I will admit I used to constantly ask myself, What if no one wants to read my books? What if they're not good enough?

All I have to do is "show up" every day and give it all I got.

What else I have learned over the years:

• Life itself is risky
• I can be my worst critic
• I can't know how something is going to go for me unless I try
• My failures can turn into successes
• Just when I'm about to give up, something great and unexpected happens

And...(with apologies to MetLife), I should have a positive outlook on the "What if's" in life. Let me turn around the rhetorical questions I had a the beginning of this post:

What if I'm successful?

What if I am highly favored in this relationship?

What if I get this job, I get promoted, or it becomes a career?

What if everything goes better than expected?

I may sound a bit insulting when I say this, but I'm thankful to have some people in my corner as "Yodas" tell me:

Those of you have been around me know I love the following: God, family, friends, classical and classic rock music, chocolate...and uplifting, encouraging, unrushed conversations. 

And I'm such an author that I talk about my books every chance I get. Admittedly, that's one of the reasons I decided to meet for breakfast at McDonald's with Metal Mission of Knoxville last Saturday morning.  I sat across from Place of Skulls drummer Tim Tomaselli. Over the past several months, Tim and I have gotten closer and enjoyed our conversations. Sitting next to him was Tommy Newman, the President of the Place of Skulls fan club. He said something about Jimmy Dean sausage.

Jimmy! That one name means so much more to me now than before, having written Crawling to the Light.

Tim's and my conversation moved to a higher level. I told him about the impact Jimmy Hensley, the lead singer of Mounted in the Open, makes on Melissa Leahy, the main character. I impersonated the some of the ways Melissa says Jimmy's name. Tim was fascinated and wanted to know more about "this movie".

I told him it wasn't a movie, that it was one of the first books I had written, and what it was about. 

"That sounds like a good idea for a movie," he said. Though I had thought about this prospect in the back of my mind, to my knowledge, I don't think anyone had said that to me.

I could say a whole lot more about this, but let me share a more optimistic litany of what if's:

What if I hadn't written that book?

What if I had deleted the file while I was working on it (because of a big, major disappointment in someone)?

What if I hadn't seen Place of Skulls?

What if I didn't volunteer with Metal Mission to serve the homeless?

What if I hadn't gotten up last Saturday morning to go to KARM?

What if I had to work that day?

What if I hadn't gone to McDonald's?

What if Tim hadn't gone, either?

What if Tom hadn't mentioned Jimmy Dean Sausage?

What if I didn't hear that and didn't have the boldness to explain why that name means something to me?

Well, though I wouldn't have something to write about on this early Wednesday morning, it is showing you who are reading this you are only one conversation away from something that will allow you to succeed.

Yes, that's right: Succeed.

I have to admit a fresh round of "what if's" are rolling around in my head. The biggest one: What if I get rejected and no one likes it?. Then again: What if someone loves it and accepts it? What if it becomes a success and touches many lives?

It's amazing how a conversation unfolds over pancakes and Mickey D's sweet tea. Keep them coming...the conversations, that is.